Friday, May 29, 2009

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh" Genesis 2:24.

This is something I wrote ten years ago to help clarify my own thinking before teaching a class for young people.

Our culture glorifies sex, we make it the center of our lives and its attainment our life's highest purpose. It is not related to intimacy, or commitment, or love. It is a light subject, like Bud Lite, another product to be consumed with much gusto but not much thought. Movies, songs and tabloids have discarded the concept of marriage. The magazines in the supermarket all feature on their covers women whose breasts virtually spill out into the checkout aisle and their lead articles focus on sex technique the same way that Bicycle magazine focuses on tightening spokes and waxing seat covers. The church, however, teaches that sex has transcendent meaning and commands us to refrain from immorality and remain abstinent until we are married. Sexual activity by the unmarried is sin. How then do we as Christians reconcile these two ideas in our lives, one from our culture and one from our faith, especially when we are likely to face long years of singleness?
The impulse to seek a wife or husband is a fundamental part of our nature. We all crave sexual contact with a suitable and permanent mate, and that is a natural and God given inclination and the very persistence of this drive is a clue to a mystery not to be understood in this life. It is more than a biological imperative to reproduce, although that is the simplest and easiest to understand explanation. Our bodies have a physical aspect that demands to be shared with another person through their body, but sexuality goes far beyond the physical differences and the wonder and mystery of romance and love go far beyond the mechanical act of coupling.
It is imperative that the unmarried Christian be able to live happily and independently because there are times in our lives when God will call us to be single and because only from a position of independence and contentment can we enter into a healthy marriage.
It is easy to see all of our needs met in someone of the other sex. After all, in our imagination, she or he can not only meet our sexual needs but provide us with affection, intimacy and purpose. But, we are to look to God, not another person to be the source of all the good things we want in this life. He says He "will meet all our needs according to His riches and glory". Now God's riches are not the world's riches and His standards are not the world's standards.
The desire for sex is not overwhelming in itself, it is only when it is mixed up with other feelings that it seems to be overwhelming and temptation impossible to control.
We all have a need for intimacy, which is the desire to share our deepest thoughts and feelings with another person. We have a need for affection and appreciation. We all have a need to fit in with our group and to measure up to the standards of society. When society puts such a high emphasis on sexual experience and physical appearance it swells our perception of our sexual needs far out of proportion to what they really are.
When we strive to walk in the Spirit and focus our attention on the Lord and not on self gratification, we find riches all around us. Riches, principally, of Him working in and through us and visible in the people he loves. He may give us close friends or one close friend, someone who is closer than a brother and who is around and faithful long after wives or husbands have come and gone. He may give us a warm loving family, brothers and sisters or people in the church who love us and appreciate us on a level that often is never achieved in marriage and seldom in a purely sexual relationship. And He gives us insight into reality far deeper than those who claim wisdom and experience with wordly things, so much deeper as to make their wisdom pure foolishness. And he gives us knowledge of the truth that sets us free from the enslaving standards of beauty and performance that the world sets.
So some practical suggestions to living the single life are; Cultivate friends of both sexes, take the time to get to know people really well, whether it leads to marriage or not it will be a treasure you will have for a long time. Don't believe the big lie the media tells you that looks and sex are the center of life. Be friendly, reach out to people, be interested in people, walk in the Spirit, consider the Lord in all you do and say. Do not forsake your family, don't forget to continue to build relationships with your parents and brothers and sisters. Get involved in things that challenge you and develop you and bring you into contact with people. You may have to wait and do without for a time, but you will have a much better chance that marriage will work when it comes.