Good Friday

I have of sorwe so grete woun
That joy gete I never noon
Now that I see my lady bright
Which I have loved with al my myght
Is fro me deed and is a-goon.

Allas, Deeth, what ayleth thee
That thou noldest have taken me
When thou toke my lady sweete
That was so fayr, so fresh, so fre,
So good, that men may wel se
Of all goodnesse she had no meete.

P came down Friday night and we went together to the Good Friday service. After the service, J and A invited us to go get something to eat with them. I said okay without even bothering to look at P to see what her reaction was; I am going to have to learn not to be so careless.

We went to the restaurant, one of Duxbury’s 3 watering holes for the rich and obscure and had some light food and light conversation. Having known J and A for years, having traveled with J under sometimes difficult conditions, having taught all 4 of their kids in Sunday School, I have come to highly admire their God-centered marriage and family life. Their children are miles ahead of other kids in self respect, godliness and wisdom. The purpose of life is to glorify God and the S family does just that.

P was gracious and friendly in conversation, as always, but as I watched her I could see that something was bothering her. Everything about her is fascinating, her body, which I am still only allowing myself to observe around the edges but now in greater detail, her mind, her drive, her spirit seeking after God and her intense but intensely controlled emotions.

After we left the restaurant, P changed into her walking shoes and we drove down to the bridge to walk the beach. How delightful it is to be out under the stars, to be moving under my own power and to have the company of a woman who herself puts the stars to shame.

We walked all the way to High Pines and saw no one else on the beach. I think she would have kept going to the Gurnet if I had not turned back. The rush of new things to talk about has started to abate, so we will need to be more deliberate and creative and even content to walk in silence.

I think I offended her by prodding for more answers about her marriage when she has already made it clear where it stands and that she has made a difficult but unequivocal decision. Because she is still married and her husband has only recently left the house, I know I am on dangerous ground, not only morally but also socially and personally. And the only way I can rationalize it is to say that I will let the relationship develop naturally and slowly, giving God control of the outcome. She is either an answer to prayer beyond my wildest expectations or she is the subtlest, most powerful temptation I have ever faced. Taking it day by day as Pansy advised, any given day with her is a gift from God, who knows my heart.

After the walk we talked in the kitchen until late at night.